free write

So, one of the reasons I created this doggone blog was so that I might offer some creative contribution to the world. The problem is that it is becoming increasingly clear that I am not a wellspring of creativity.

My original intent was to write a post today entitled "The Tale of my Tat(too)," but I realized it was going to take far more imagination than I thought due to the fact that I was intoxicated throughout the acquisition of my tat. Hence, the details are a bit blurry. So for the time being, scratch that.

Not to be deterred, though, and determined to stimulate my pea-brain, I have consulted my "Complete Idiot's Guide to Creative Writing" for solutions. I flipped through the book (literally... I don't think I actually read a single thing), and determined that I was too lazy to extract any wisdom from it. So I'm resorting to the ol' free-writing, instead.

Thus, this particular post will be overwhelmingly incoherent and meaningless. Enjoy.

I've felt for the past few days like I'm coming down with a cold. I'm dizzy and feel a bit disoriented, and I can't really concentrate. I'm actually quite pleased with this, because I've decided to use it as an excuse for not doing my readings for my classes tomorrow. Instead, I've gathered all of my mental acumen to peruse urbandictionary.com. I highly recommend the site's assorted definitions of "jorts." I also learned an exciting new word: "hogbeast." One described as a hogbeast is (paraphrased) a female so utterly vile that no amount of alcohol or other abused substances could viably excuse an 'encounter' with her. The definition itself is not nearly as fabulous to me as the word itself. I'm kind of peeved that I didn't come up with it myself.

Hogbeast will probably be incorporated into my slew of insults that I reserve as pet names for my closest friends. My dear friend Trent, whom I've affectionately dubbed a variety of unspeakably crass names over the last six years, will be an excellent candidate for this name. I'm sure he will reciprocate with something equally horrid.

I'm not gonna lie: even free-writing is straining me right now. I am painfully tempted to watch 7 episodes of NBC's The Office back-to-back while stalking all the characters on IMDB. My boyfriend and I have become spookily knowledgeable about the show. For example: did you know that John Krasinski ("Jim") is the youngest and shortest of three brothers, standing at 6'3"? His older brothers, both of whom are doctors, are 6'6" and 6'10". He also wears a wig for a large part of the third season of the show, because he was shooting a movie with George Clooney called Leatherheads.

Okay, I'm done here. Disregard this post entirely, please.